第1章 逗比朋友(1)

1 I Have the Key

Jesse called after his friend Edwin，"Hey，Edwin！ Someone has stolen your treasure box."

Edwin smiled and said，"Don’t worry，John.I have the key."

我拿着钥匙呢

杰西在他的朋友艾德文后面高声地叫着：“嗨，艾德文！有人把你的珠宝盒给偷走了。”

艾德文边笑边回答：“不要紧，我拿着盒子上的钥匙呢。”

2 That’s What I Want to Find Out

"We have got a new dog，would you like to come around and play with him？"

"Well，I don’t know.Does he bite？"

"That’s what I want to find out."

那正是我想知道的

“我们新养了一条狗，你要过来和他玩玩吗？”

“哦，我不知道。他咬人吗？”

“这正是我想要知道的。”

3 My Dog Can’t Read

Mrs.Jack： Oh，my dear，I have lost my precious little dog！

Mrs.Smith： But you must put an advertisement in the papers！

Mrs.Jack： It’s no use，my little dog can’t read.

狗不识字

杰克夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把最爱的小狗给丢了！

史密斯夫人：你该在报纸上登广告啊！

杰克夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。

4 Two Friends

"Sandy，please wait a minute！ I wouldn’t say this to you，but now I can’t help it.You borrowed my umbrella three days ago，and haven’t returned it yet."

"Oh，Jenny，I had no choice because it has been raining since then，you know."

两个朋友

“桑迪，请等一下！我不能不和你说一下了。三天前你就把我的伞借走了，可到现在你还没有还呢。”

“哦，詹妮，我也没办法呀，你知道的，从那天起雨就一直在下。”

5 Who Is this Speaking

Mr.Marcus was in the hospital for a long time.

One night the phone rang at the nurses’station.

"How is Mr.Marcus？"the caller asked.

"He’s doing very well.In fact，he’s being discharged tomorrow.Who is this speaking？"

"This is Mr.Marcus-the doctors don’t tell me a thing."

你是谁

马库斯先生住院很长时间了。

一天夜里，护士站的电话铃响了。

“马库斯先生还好吗？”打电话的人问。

“他很好。事实上，他明天就可以出院了。你是谁？”

“我就是马库斯先生——医生们什么都不告诉我。”

6 Go Swimming

An American touring in the Sahara was dressed in a bathing suit.An Arabian gazed at him in amazement.

"I’m going swimming."the tourist explained.

"But the ocean is five hundred miles away."the Arab informed him.

"Five hundred miles！"the American exclaimed with a huge smile."Boy，what a beach！"

去游泳

一位美国游客正身着泳装在撒哈拉沙漠观光。一个阿拉伯人惊奇地看着他。

“我要去游泳。”游客解释说。

“可大洋还有500英里远。”阿拉伯人对他说。

“500英里！”美国人笑着惊叫道，“小伙子，这是一个多么大的海滩啊！”

7 What Do You Call Your Other Arm

I went to a restaurant one day recently wearing a shirt with the designer’s signature on the right sleeve.

As I stood in line to wait for a table，an elderly gentleman tapped me on the shoulder.Pointing to the label，he said，"Nice name."Then，in a curious tone，he asked，"What do you call your other arm？"

另一只手臂叫什么名字

最近有一天，我穿着一件右边袖子上有设计者签名的衬衫去了一家餐馆。

排队等候空桌时，一位年长的先生拍了拍我的肩膀，指着签名说：“好名字。”然后，他又好奇地问道：“你管另一只手臂叫什么？”

8 Tell the Difference

I stopped by a friend’s house the other day and found him stalking around with a flyswatter.

When I asked if he had gotten any flies，he answered，"Yeah，three males and two females."

Curious，I inquired as to how he could tell the difference.

He answered，"Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone."

区分不同

几天前，我顺便到一个朋友家拜访，发现他正举着苍蝇拍四处拍打苍蝇。

我问他是否拍到几只苍蝇，他回答说：“拍到了，三只公的，两只母的。”

出于好奇，我问他是怎么区分的。

他回答说：“三只趴在啤酒罐上，两只贴在电话机上。”

9 A Big Tiger

"Last week，"Tom said to his friend Kenneth，"I went for a walk in a large park.The day was very cold，and the wind was blowing.Suddenly I saw a big tiger."

"What did you do？"asked Kenneth.

"I looked at him，put my hands into my pockets and went home."answered Tom.

"Did it run after you？"asked Kenneth.

"Oh，no，it didn’t.You see，it was in the coop."

大老虎

“上星期，”汤姆对他的朋友肯尼斯说，“我在一个大公园里散步。天冷风大。突然，我看到一只大老虎。”

“你是怎么做的呢？”肯尼斯问道。

“我看了看它，双手插进口袋就回家去了。”汤姆答道。

“它追你了吗？”肯尼斯又问道。

“噢，没有。你明白，它是在笼子里。”

10 Choice Questions

My husband took two Graduate Record Exams on the same day and came home exhausted from hours of answering multiple choice questions.He collapsed on the sofa.

His wife came to inform him that dinner was ready and asked if he would prefer water，lemonade or milk with his meal.

He paused for a moment and then replied，"I’ll take C，the milk."

选择题

丈夫同一天参加了两项研究生入学考试。几个小时的多项选择题使他筋疲力尽，回家后他瘫倒在沙发上。

他的妻子走过来对他说，晚饭准备好了，问他吃饭时是想喝水、柠檬汁还是牛奶。

他停顿了一会儿，回答说：“我选C，牛奶。”

11 I Don’t Know

Blake： My wife doesn’t understand me，does yours？

John： I don’t know.I’ve never heard her even mention your name.

我不知道

布莱克：我妻子不理解我，你妻子呢？

约翰：我不知道，我从来没听她提起过你的名字。

12 Little Room

Billy checked into a hotel.But his wrath rose almost as soon as he left the desk."I may be looked upon as a simple Irish lad from bogs，"he roared to the porter who was carrying his bags，"but I’m not paying good money for a room no bigger than a cupboard with nothing but a little folding chair in it？"

"Please go in，sir."said the porter，"That’s a lift."

小房间

比利在一家旅馆办理了登记手续。但刚一离开服务台，他就火冒三丈。“你们竟敢把我当成从沼泽地里来的爱尔兰傻小子。”他对行李搬运工大声吼道，“我可不会付高价来住这样一个碗柜大小、只有一把小折椅的小房间！”

“请进来吧，先生，”行李搬运工说，“这是电梯。”

13 A Tip to Stay Awake

Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers.Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot.One man told me he’d been a long‐haul truck driver."I’d love to drive a big rig，"I said，"but I’d worry about falling asleep at the wheel.""Here’s a tip to stay awake."he offered，"Put a ＄100 bill in your left hand and hold it out of the window."

保持清醒的诀窍

像我这样的技术支持人员会整天在电话里和顾客谈天说地。许多人喜欢在等他们的电脑重新启动的时候聊天。有一名男子告诉我，他曾经是长途卡车司机。我说：“我喜欢开大卡车，但是又担心开车的时候会睡着。”他说：“有一个诀窍，可以让你保持清醒。左手握一张一百美元的大票，然后把手伸到窗外去。”

14 The Umbrella

A gentleman staying in a hotel left his umbrella in the hall，but he had put on the handle a card on which was written，"This umbrella belongs to a gentleman who can lift up a hundred pounds.I shall be back in ten minutes."When he came back，he found，instead of his umbrella，another card on which was written，"This card belongs to a man who can run ten miles an hour.I shall not come back."

雨伞

一位住在旅馆的先生把他的雨伞落在了大厅里，不过他在伞柄上系了一张卡片，上面写着：“此伞属于一位能举百磅的绅士。我将在十分钟内回来。”等他回来时，发现雨伞已经不翼而飞，取而代之的是另一张卡片，上面写着：“此卡是一位一小时能跑十英里的人留下的，我永远不回来了。”

15 Good Points and Bad Points

"This house，"said the real estate salesman，"has both its good points and bad points.To show you I’m honest，I’m going to tell you about the disadvantage-there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse one block north."

"What are the advantages？"inquired the prospective buyer.