第2章 逗比朋友(2)

"The good thing about it，"said the agent，"is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing."

优缺点

“这幢房子，”房地产推销商说，“既有优点也有缺点。为了证明我是诚实的，我将告诉你它的缺点——往南面一个街区有一家化工厂，往北面一个街区有一家屠宰场。”

“那么它有什么优点呢？”准备购买房子的人问道。

“它的优点，”代理商说道，“就是你总能分出风是从哪边吹过来的。”

16 I Wasn’t Dead

A young man fell into a state of coma，but recovered before his friends had buried him.One of them asked what it felt like to be dead.

"Dead！"he exclaimed，"I wasn’t dead.And I knew I wasn’t dead because my feet were cold and I was hungry."

"But how did that make you sure？"

"Well，I knew that if I were in heaven I shouldn’t be hungry，and if I was in the other place my feet shouldn’t be cold."

我还没死

一个年轻人昏死了过去，但是当他的朋友们要掩埋他的时候，他却又苏醒过来。

他的一个朋友问他死的感觉是怎样的。

“死！”他喊道，“我并没有死，我知道我没死，因为我的脚是凉的，而我又很饿。”

“你怎么能肯定你没死？”

“当然了，我知道如果我上了天堂，我就不会觉得饿；如果我下到地狱，那我的脚就不会是凉的了。”

17 Fishing

Larry and Harry drove 300 miles to go fishing.They paid a huge sum to rent a cabin，a similar about to rent a boat.They fished for three days and caught only one fish between them.

On the way home，Harry fiddled with a calculator while Larry drove.After an hour，Harry said，"Do you realize that this one fish we caught cost us almost ＄2，000？"

"Wow！"Larry saido"It’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more."

钓鱼

拉里和哈里驱车三百英里去钓鱼。两人花了一大笔钱租了一间小屋，又花了差不多同样的钱租了一条船。两人钓了三天，只钓到一条鱼。

在回家的路上，拉里开车，哈里拨弄着计算器。一小时后，哈里说：“你可知道我们钓的这条鱼几乎用掉我们2000美元？”

“哇！”拉里说，“幸亏我们没有多钓到鱼。”

18 Dog Temperament

At a workshop on dog temperament，the instructor noticed that a test for a canine’s disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt.A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the owner，whereas a good would lick his owner’s face or show concern.

One day，while eating pizza in the living room，I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs.I stood up clutched my heart，let out a scream and collapsed on the floor.The dogs looked at me，glanced at each other and raced to the table for my pizza.

狗的性情

在一次关于狗的性情的研讨会上，教员告知大家一种测试犬科动物性情的方法——狗的主人摔倒并假装受伤。秉性差的狗会企图咬它的主人，而秉性好的狗会舔主人的脸或现出关心的神情。

有一天在卧室吃披萨的时候，我决定在自己的两条狗身上检验一下这个理论。我站起来，紧握住胸口，发出一声尖叫，然后倒在地上。这两条狗看了看我，又相互对视了一下，然后奔向餐桌去抢我的披萨。

19 What Does It Say

I returned from Russia after living there nearly three years.My sister decided to surprise me by creating"Welcome Home"signs in Russian.She went to a website that offered translations，and printed the translated phrase onto cardboards.When I got off the plane，I saw my whole family，excitedly waving colored cardboards.My sister gave me a big hug，and pointed proudly to her creation."Isn’t that great？"she said，"Bet you didn’t think I knew any Russian."I admitted that I was indeed surprised-the signs actually said，"Translation is not found."

它是什么意思

我在俄国住了将近三年以后回国。我妹妹打算给我一个惊喜，她用俄文做了一个“欢迎归来”的标语。她找了一个提供翻译的网站，并把翻译出来的文字打印在了硬纸板上。我一下飞机就看到全家人兴高采烈地挥舞着彩色的硬纸板。我妹妹给了我一个热烈的拥抱，并且自豪地指着她的作品说：“是不是很棒？我敢打赌你一定没想到我还懂一点俄语。”我承认我确实是大吃一惊。这标语实际上是说：“没有找到译文。”

20 Silly Dog

Ian is a young man.He does not have a wife，but he has a very big dog，and he has a very small car too.He likes playing tennis.Last Monday he played tennis for an hour at his club，and then he ran out and jumped into a car.His dog came after him，but it didn’t jump into the same car.It jumped into the next one.

"Come here，silly dog！"Ian shouted at it，but the dog stayed in the other car.

Ian put his key into the lock of the car，but the key did not turn.Then he looked at the car again.It was not his！

He was in the wrong car！ And the dog was in the right one！

蠢狗

伊恩是个小伙子，还没有妻子，但他有一条很大的狗和一辆很小的汽车。他喜欢打网球。上星期一，他在俱乐部打了一个小时网球，匆匆走出俱乐部，跳上了一辆车。狗跟随其后，却没有和伊恩上同一辆车，而是上了旁边的另一辆车。

“过来，蠢狗！”伊恩对狗大声喊道，但狗卧在那辆车上一动不动。

伊恩把钥匙插进锁孔，却转不动钥匙。他仔细看了看车，发现这原来不是他的车！是他上错了车！而他的狗却上对了车！

21 One Engine Left

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker.

"Attention，passengers.We have lost one of our engines，but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left.Unfortunately，we will arrive an hour late as a result."

Shortly thereafter，the passengers heard the captain’s voice aga‐ in，"Guess what，folks.We just lost our third engine，but please be assured we can fly with only one.We will now arrive in London three hours late."

At this point，one passenger became furious."For Pete’s sake."he shouted."If we lose another engine，we’ll be up here all night！"