第5章 走调职员(2)

Outside he checked himself on his calculator and concluded he had lost the job.But two weeks later he was offered the post.He asked the chairman why he had been appointed when he had given the wrong answer.

"You were the closest."the chairman replied.

你是最接近答案的

一名会计去一家大公司应聘一项高级工作。面试快结束时，董事长说：“最后一个问题——4乘以8是多少？”

会计想了一会儿，回答说：“33。”

到了外面，他在计算器上演算了一下，最后得出结论他已经失去了这份工作。但两周后，他却得到了这个职位。他问董事长为什么他说错了答案还得到了工作。

“你的答案是最接近的。”董事长回答说。

16 Brag

Three famous surgecons were bragging about their skills.

"A man came to me who had his hand cut off."said one，"Today that man is a concert violinist."

"That’s nothing."said another，"A guy came to me who hadhis legs cut off.I stitched them back on，and today that man is a marathon runner."

"I can top both of you."said the third，"One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident.There was nothing left but a horse’s posterior and a pair of glasses.Today that man is seated in the United States Senate."

吹牛

三个着名外科医生在吹嘘他们的技术。

“一个人砍掉了一只手，来到我这里，”其中一个说，“如今那个人成了一名小提琴手。”

“那没什么。”另一个说，“一个失去双腿的家伙来找我，我把他的腿接了上去，现在那个人成了一名马拉松运动员。”

“我可能会胜过你们俩。”第三个医生说，“有一天，我赶到一个严重的车祸现场，那里只剩下了马屁股和一副眼镜，如今那个人坐上了美国参议员的议席。”

17 The Oldest Profession

A surgeon，an architect and a lawyer are having a heated discussion concerning which of their professions is actually the oldest profession.

The surgeon says，"Surgery is the oldest profession.God took a rib from Adam to create Eve and you can’t go back further than that."

The architect says，"Hold on！In fact，God was the first architect，when he created the world out of chaos in 7 days，and you can’t go back any further than that！"

The lawyer puffs his cigar and says，"Gentlemen，gentlemen...who do you think created the chaos？"

最古老的职业

一名外科医生，一名建筑师以及一名律师正激烈地争论他们谁的职业是最古老的。

外科医生说：“外科手术是最古老的职业。上帝从亚当身上取下肋骨创造了夏娃，你们可找不出比这更久远的事了。”

建筑师说：“等一等！事实上，上帝是第一个建筑师，他在七天内从混乱中创造出了世界，你们可找不出比这更久远的事了。”

律师吐出一口烟说：“先生们，先生们……你们认为是谁制造了混乱呢？”

18 A Soldier Asked for Marriage

The soldier asked for a furlough，so he might get married.

"How long have you known the girl？"his superior asked.

"A week."

"Why，lad，that’s hardly long enough.I suggest that you wait a couple of months，and then，if you still want to get married.I’ll grant you a furlough."

In two months the soldier was back，reminding his superior of his promise.

"So you still want to get married？My，My ！ I didn’t expect that a young man would stay interested in the same girl for such a long time nowadays."

"I know，sir.But it isn’t the same girl，sir."

小兵请婚嫁

有个士兵想请假结婚。

“你认识那姑娘多久了？”他的长官问他。

“一个礼拜。”

“天哪，年轻人，那也太短了，我建议你再等两个月，如果到时你还想结婚，我就准你假。”

两个月后，那个士兵又来了，提醒他的上级曾答应过自己的事儿。

“所以你还想结婚，对吗？我的天哪，真没想到在这个年代还会有男孩喜欢一个女孩这么久。”

“我明白，长官，但不是同一个女孩。”

19 No Answer

A young man dashed into the electrician’s shop，his face flushed with angry."Didn’t I ask you yesterday morning to send a man to repair our doorbell？"he roared，"and didn’t you promise to send him round at once？"

"But we did，sir，"broke in the manager，"I’m quite sure of it！Hi，Duke！"he called to one of his workmen at the back of the office，"Didn’t you go round to Park Lodge yesterday to do that job？"

"Yes，sir，"replied Duke，"I went round all right，and I rang the bell for over an ten minutes，but I could get no answer，so I guessed they must all be out."

没回应

一个年轻人冲进电器维修店，脸气得通红。“昨天上午我不是要你派人去修我们的门铃吗？”他大声吼道，“你不是也答应马上派人去修吗？”

“我们是派人去了，先生，”经理插话说，“我完全能肯定这一点！”他向办公室后面的一个工人喊道：“喂，杜克！昨天你不是去洛奇公园给人修门铃了吗？”

“是的，先生，”杜克回答说，“我确实去了那里，而且按了十几分钟门铃，但没有人开门，所以我就想他们一定是外出了。”

20 What the Heck Is Wrong with My Wife？

A woman is rushed to the hospital in critical condition.Her husband waits in the waiting room.After a few mintutes，the doctor comes out and asks his assistant for a wrench，which concerns the husband.

After a couple more minutes，the doctor reenters the room this time asking for a screwdriver.The man grows worried and begins to pace in circles.

Then，a little later，the doctor bursts through the doors screaming for a hammer.The husband，in a state of terror，runs up the surgeon and asks，"Doctor，what the heck is wrong with my wife？"

"I don’t know，"replies the flustered doctor，"I can’t get my damn cabinet open."

我太太究竟怎么了？

一个病情危急的女人被紧急送到医院。她的丈夫守在等待室里。几分钟后，医生出来让他的助理把扳手拿给他，这让那位丈夫很是担心。

又过了几分钟，这个医生又进等待室要了一把螺丝刀。那位丈夫便更加担忧起来，开始在屋里来回打转。

一会儿后，这个医生冲过几扇门，嚷着要一个锤子。那位丈夫慌乱恐惧起来，跑到那位医生跟前问：“医生，我妻子到底怎么了？”

“我不知道，”那位慌张的医生回答道，“我打不开那该死的柜子了。

21 Weather Predict

A film crew was on location deep in the desert.One day an old Indian went up to the director and said，"Tomorrow will rain." The next day it rained.

A week later，the Indian went up to the director and said，"To-morrow will storm."The next day there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible."said the director.He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

However，after several successful predictions，the old Indian didn’t show up for two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him."I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow，"said the director，"and I’m depending on you.What will the weather be like？".

The Indian shrugged his shoulders."Don’t know."he said，

"Radio is broken."

天气预报

一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作。一天，一个印第安老人到导演跟前告诉导演说：“明天要下雨。”第二天果然下雨了。

一周后，印第安人又来告诉导演说：“明天有风暴。”果然，第二天有风暴。

“这个印第安人真神。”导演说。他告诉秘书雇佣这个印第安人来预报天气。

几次预报都很成功，然后，接下来的两周，印第安人不见了。

最后，导演派人去把他叫来了。“我明天必须拍一个很大的场景，”导演说，“这得靠你了。明天天气如何啊？”

印第安人耸了耸肩。“我不知道，”印度人说，“收音机坏了。”