第8章 尴尬问答(2)

上帝最完美的杰作

一位能言善道的牧师在教堂歌颂造物主的伟大。结束时，他向在场的信徒们发问：“你们有谁敢说天下有哪件事物不是造物主最完美的杰作？”

突然，有位驼背的信徒自教堂的一角缓缓站起来向牧师请教：“依您看，我这个驼背算不算？”

牧师不假思索地告诉他：“那是我见过的最完美的一个驼背，不论在线条还是造型方面，都堪称是上帝最完美的杰作。”

15 Hearing Problem

An elderly retired gentleman had severe hearing problems for some time.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the man to hear better than he had ever heard before.

One month later，the elderly man went back again to the doctor.The doctor said，"Your hearing is perfect.Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman said，"Oh，I haven’t told my family yet.I just sit around and listen to the conversations.I’ve changed my will three times！"

听力问题

一名退休的老绅士长久以来深受听力问题的困扰。

他去看医生，医生给他配了一套助听器，帮助他比以前听得更清楚些。

一个月以后，老先生又去看医生。医生说：“你的听力好多了。你的家人一定很高兴，你又能听见别人说话了。”

绅士说道：“不，我还没有告诉我的家人呢。我只是坐在一旁听他们讲话，我已经修改了三次遗嘱了！”

16 The King’s Brother

A poor man，presenting himself before the king of spain，asked his charity，telling him that he was his brother.the king desired to know how he claimed kindred to him，the poor fellow replied，"We are all descended from one common father and mother viz.Adam and Eve."

Upon which the king gave him a little copper piece of money，the poor man began to bemoan himself，said，"Is it possible that your Majesty should give no more than this to your brother？"

"Away，away，"replies the king，"if all the brothers you have in the world give you as much as I have done，you’ll be richer than I am."

国王的兄弟

一个穷人去见西班牙国王，说自己是他的兄弟，求他施恩周济。国王想知道他何以攀认亲戚，穷人 回答说：“我们有共同的祖先亚当和夏娃。”

听了这话，国王就给了他一个小铜子。于是穷人开始叫屈，说：“难道国王陛下您就给兄弟这一点点钱吗？”

“走开，走开，”国王回答，“如果世界上你所有的兄弟们都像我这样给你一个铜板，你就比我还有钱了。”

17 Choose

"Mr.Richie，you are going to have some injection，and then you’ll feel much better.A nurse will come and give you the first one this evening."said the doctor.

In the evening a young nurse came to Mr.Richie’s bed and said to him，"I’m going to give you your first injection now，Mr.Richie.Where do you want it？"

The old man was surprised.He looked at the nurse for several seconds，and then said，"Nobody’s ever let me choose that before.Are you really going to let me choose now？"

"Yes，Mr.Richie."the nurse answered.

"Well，then，"the old man answered with a smile，"I want it in your left arm."

选择

“里奇先生，你得打几针，然后就会感觉好多了。今晚护士会过来给你打第一针。”医生说。

晚上，一个年轻护士来到里奇先生的床前说：“里奇先生，我现在要给你打第一针，你想要打在什么地方？”

这位老人非常惊讶，他看了护士好几秒钟，然后说：“以前从来没人让我选择，你现在真的想让我选择吗？”

“是的，里奇先生。”护士回答说。

“那好，”老人微笑着答道，“我想打在你的左臂上。”

18 Who Was the First Man

A teacher asked her class，"Who was the first man？"

"George Washington."a little boy shouted promptly.

"How do you make out that George Washington was the first man？"asked the teacher.

"Because，"said the little boy，"he was first in war，first in peace，and first in the hearts of his people."

But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.

"Well，"said the teacher to him，"who do you think was the first man？"

"I don’t know what his name was，"said the larger boy，"but I know it wasn’t George Washington，ma’am，because the history book says George Washington married a widow，so，of course，there must have been a man ahead of him."

谁是第一个男人

一名老师问班上的学生：“谁是第一个男人？”

“乔治·华盛顿。”一个小男孩马上大声说道。

“你怎么知道乔治·华盛顿是第一个男人？”老师问道。

“因为，”小男孩说，“他在打仗时是第一，和平时是第一，在人民心中也是第一。”

但就在这时，一个较大的男孩举起了手。

“那么，”老师对他说，“你认为谁是第一个男人？”

“我不知道他叫什么名字，”较大的男孩说，“不过，老师，我知道他不是乔治·华盛顿。因为历史书上说乔治·华盛顿娶了一名寡妇，所以在他前面肯定还有一个男人。”

19 Not Having It All Cut Off

Tyler sometimes went to the barber’s during working hours to have his hair cut.But this was against the office rules： clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time.

While Tyler was at the barber’s one day，the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him.

"Hello，Tyler，"the manager said，"I see that you are having your hair cut in office time."

"Yes，sir，I am."admitted Tyler calmly，"You see，sir，it grows in office time."

"Not all of it."said the manager at once，"Some of it grows in your time."

"Yes，sir，that’s quite true，"answered Tyler politely，"but I’m not having it all cut off."

没把头发全部剪掉

泰勒有时在上班时间去理发馆理发，但这是违反办公室规定的：职员只能利用自己的时间理发。一天，正当泰勒理发时，经理碰巧也进来理发，而且就坐在他旁边。

“你好，泰勒，”经理说，“我看到你在上班时间理发了。”

“是的，先生。”泰勒平静地承认了，“可是，你知道，头发是在上班时间长的。”

“不全都是吧，”经理立刻说，“有一些是在业余时间里长的。”

“对呀，先生，你说得很对，”泰勒礼貌地回答说，“但我并没有把头发全都剪掉啊。”

20 Where Is Your Father

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn in the road.The farmer who lived nearby came to investigate.

"Hey，Simon，"he called out，"Forget your troubles for a spell and come on in and have dinner with us.When I’ll help you get the wagon up."

"That’s mighty nice of you，"Simon answered，"but I don’t think my father would like me to."

"Oh，come on，son！"the farmer insisted.

"Well，okay，"the boy finally agreed."But my father won’t like it."

After a hearty dinner，Simon thanked his host，" I feel a lot better now，but I just know my father is going to be real upset."

"Don’t be foolish！"exclaimed the neighbor."By the way，where is he ？"

"Under the wagon."

你爸在哪里

一个农场的男孩不小心弄翻了他装玉米的马车。住在附近的农民过来帮忙。

“嗨，西蒙，”他高喊，“忘了你的麻烦吧，过来和我们一起吃晚饭，然后我帮你把车扶起来。”

“您真是太好了，”西蒙回答，“但我想爸爸不愿意让我这么做。”

“噢，得了，孩子。”农民坚持说。

“嗯，好吧，”男孩最后同意了，“但是爸爸不喜欢这样。”

一顿丰盛的晚餐过后，西蒙感谢了这位主人：“我现在感觉好多了，但是我觉得爸爸肯定很沮丧。”

“别傻了！”邻居说道，“顺便问一句，他在哪？”

“马车下面。”

21 My Wife Doesn’t Lay Eggs

Mr.Sean was a chicken farmer.He had hundreds of chickens，and sold the eggs and the meat and got quite a lot of money，but he lived in a very hot part of the country，and he found that his hens laid hardly any eggs in the summer.So he decided to put air‐condition into his chicken‐house so that the hens would lay well all through the year and he could get more eggs and in that way earn more money.

The owner of the company who sold the air‐condition came to see him，and when he saw Mr.Sean’s house，he thought that he might be able to persuade him to buy another air‐condidon for that too.