第69章 IN WHICH TRUMET TALKS OF CAPTAIN NAT(4)

Everybody I ever cared for has had somethin'happen to 'em.My brother died;my--the man I married went to the dogs;then you and Grace had to be miserable and I had to help make you so;I sent Nat away and he blamed me and--No,no.He didn't blame you.He sent you word that he didn't.Yes,but he did,all the same.He must have.I should if I'd been in his place.And now he's dead,and won't ever understand--on this earth,anyhow.I guess I'd better clear out and leave you afore I spoil your life.Aunt Keziah,you're my anchor to windward,as they say down here.

If I lost you,goodness knows where I should drift.Don't you ever talk of leaving me again.Thank you,John.I'm glad you want me to stay.I won't leave yet awhile;never--unless I have to.Why should you ever have to?

Well,I don't know.Yes,I do know,too.John,I had another letter t'other day.You did?From--from that man?

Yup,from--For a moment it seemed as if she were about to pronounce her husband's name,something she had never done in his presence;but if she thought of it,she changed her mind.

From him,she said.He wanted money,of course;he always does.

But that wa'n't the worst.The letter was from England,and in it he wrote that he was gettin'sick of knockin'around and guessed he'd be for comin'to the States pretty soon and huntin'me up.

Said what was the use of havin'an able-bodied wife if she couldn't give her husband a home.The scoundrel!

Yes,I know what he is,maybe full as well as you do.That's why I spoke of leavin'you.If that man comes to Trumet,I'll go,sure as death.No,no.Aunt Keziah,you must free yourself from him.No power on earth can compel you to longer support such a--None on earth,no.But it's my punishment and I've got to put up with it.I married him with my eyes wide open,done it to spite the--the other,as much as anything,and I must bear the burden.

But I tell you this,John:if he comes here,to this town,where I've been respected and considered a decent woman,if he comes here,I go--somewhere,anywhere that'll be out of the sight of them that know me.And wherever I go he shan't be with me.THAT Iwon't stand!I'd rather die,and I hope I do.Don't talk to me any more now--don't!I can't stand it.She hurried out of the room.Later,as the minister passed through the dining room on his way to the door,she spoke to him again.

John,she said,I didn't say what I meant to when I broke in on you just now.I meant to tell you about Grace.I knew you'd like to know and wouldn't ask.She's bearin'up well,poor girl.She thought the world of Nat,even though she might not have loved him in the way that--What's that?What are you saying,Aunt Keziah?I mean--well,I mean that he'd always been like an own brother to her and she cared a lot for him.But you said she didn't love him.

Did I?That was a slip of the tongue,maybe.But she bears it well and I don't think she gives up hope.I try not to,for her sake,and I try not to show her how I feel.She sewed vigorously for a few moments.Then she said:

She's goin'away,Gracie is.

Going away?

Yup.She's goin'to stay with a relation of the Hammonds over in Connecticut for a spell.I coaxed her into it.Stayin'here at home with all this suspense and with Hannah Poundberry's tongue droppin'lamentations like kernels out of a corn sheller,is enough to kill a healthy batch of kittens with nine lives apiece.She didn't want to go;felt that she must stay here and wait for news;but I told her we'd get news to her as soon as it come,and she's goin'.Ellery took his hat from the peg and opened the door.His foot was on the step when Keziah spoke again.

She--it don't mean nothin',John,except that she ain't so hard-hearted as maybe you might think--she's asked me about you 'most every time I've been there.She told me to take good care of you.The door closed.Keziah put down her sewing and listened as the minister's step sounded on the walk.She rose,went to the window and looked after him.She was wondering if she had made a mistake in mentioning Grace's name.She had meant to cheer him with the thought that he was not entirely forgotten,that he was,at least,pitied;but perhaps it would have been better to have remained silent.Her gaze shifted and she looked out over the bay,blue and white in the sun and wind.When she was a girl the sea had been kind to her,it had brought her father home safe,and those homecomings were her pleasantest memories.But she now hated it.

It was cruel and cold and wicked.It had taken the man she loved and would have loved till she died,even though he could never have been hers,and she had given him to another;it had taken him,killed him cruelly,perhaps.And now it might be bringing to her the one who was responsible for all her sorrow,the one she could not think of without a shudder.She clung to the window sash and prayed aloud.

Lord!Lord!she pleaded,don't put any more on me now.Icouldn't stand it!I couldn't!

Ellery,too,was thinking deeply as he walked up the main road on his way to Mrs.Prince's.Keziah's words were repeating themselves over and over in his brain.She had asked about him.She had not forgotten him altogether.And what did the housekeeper mean by saying that she had not loved Captain Hammond in the way that--Not that it could make any difference.Nothing could give him back his happiness.But what did it mean?