第1章 THE SHAPE OF FEAR(1)

TIM O'CONNOR -- who was de-

scended from the O'Conors with one N -- started life as a poet and an enthusiast.His mother had designed him for the priesthood, and at the age of fifteen, most of his verses had an ecclesiastical tinge, but, somehow or other, he got into the newspaper business instead, and became a pessimistic gentleman, with a literary style of great beauty and an income of modest proportions.He fell in with men who talked of art for art's sake, -- though what right they had to speak of art at all nobody knew, -- and little by little his view of life and love became more or less pro-fane.He met a woman who sucked his heart's blood, and he knew it and made no protest; nay, to the great amusement of the fellows who talked of art for art's sake, he went the length of marrying her.He could not in decency explain that he had the tra-ditions of fine gentlemen behind him and so had to do as he did, because his friends might not have understood.He laughed at the days when he had thought of the priest-hood, blushed when he ran across any of those tender and exquisite old verses he had written in his youth, and became addicted to absinthe and other less peculiar drinks, and to gaming a little to escape a madness of ennui.

As the years went by he avoided, with more and more scorn, that part of the world which he denominated Philistine, and con-sorted only with the fellows who flocked about Jim O'Malley's saloon.He was pleased with solitude, or with these convivial wits, and with not very much else beside.Jim O'Malley was a sort of Irish poem, set to inspiring measure.He was, in fact, a Hibernian Mæcenas, who knew better than to put bad whiskey before a man of talent, or tell a trite tale in the presence of a wit.The recountal of his disquisitions on politics and other cur-rent matters had enabled no less than three men to acquire national reputations; and a number of wretches, having gone the way of men who talk of art for art's sake, and dying in foreign lands, or hospitals, or asylums, having no one else to be homesick for, had been homesick for Jim O'Malley, and wept for the sound of his voice and the grasp of his hearty hand.

When Tim O'Connor turned his back upon most of the things he was born to and took up with the life which he consistently lived till the unspeakable end, he was unable to get rid of certain peculiarities.For example, in spite of all his debauchery, he continued to look like the Beloved Apostle.Notwith-standing abject friendships he wrote limpid and noble English.Purity seemed to dog his heels, no matter how violently he attempted to escape from her.He was never so drunk that he was not an exquisite, and even his creditors, who had become inured to his deceptions, confessed it was a privilege to meet so perfect a gentleman.The creature who held him in bondage, body and soul, actually came to love him for his gentleness, and for some quality which baffled her, and made her ache with a strange longing which she could not define.Not that she ever de-fined anything, poor little beast! She had skin the color of pale gold, and yellow eyes with brown lights in them, and great plaits of straw-colored hair.About her lips was a fatal and sensuous smile, which, when it got hold of a man's imagination, would not let it go, but held to it, and mocked it till the day of his death.She was the incarnation of the Eternal Feminine, with all the wifeli-ness and the maternity left out -- she was ancient, yet ever young, and familiar as joy or tears or sin.

She took good care of Tim in some ways:

fed him well, nursed him back to reason after a period of hard drinking, saw that he put on overshoes when the walks were wet, and looked after his money.She even prized his brain, for she discovered that it was a delicate little machine which produced gold.

By association with him and his friends, she learned that a number of apparently useless things had value in the eyes of certain con-venient fools, and so she treasured the auto-graphs of distinguished persons who wrote to him -- autographs which he disdainfully tossed in the waste basket.She was careful with presentation copies from authors, and she went the length of urging Tim to write a book himself.But at that he balked.

"Write a book!" he cried to her, his gen-tle face suddenly white with passion."Who am I to commit such a profanation?"She didn't know what he meant, but she had a theory that it was dangerous to excite him, and so she sat up till midnight to cook a chop for him when he came home that night.

He preferred to have her sitting up for him, and he wanted every electric light in their apartments turned to the full.If, by any chance, they returned together to a dark house, he would not enter till she touched the button in the hall, and illuminated the room.

Or if it so happened that the lights were turned off in the night time, and he awoke to find himself in darkness, he shrieked till the woman came running to his relief, and, with derisive laughter, turned them on again.But when she found that after these frights he lay trembling and white in his bed, she began to be alarmed for the clever, gold-making little machine, and to renew her assiduities, and to horde more tenaciously than ever, those valu-able curios on which she some day expected to realize when he was out of the way, and no longer in a position to object to their barter.

O'Connor's idiosyncrasy of fear was a source of much amusement among the boys at the office where he worked.They made open sport of it, and yet, recognizing him for a sensitive plant, and granting that genius was entitled to whimsicalities, it was their custom when they called for him after work hours, to permit him to reach the lighted cor-ridor before they turned out the gas over his desk.This, they reasoned, was but a slight service to perform for the most enchanting beggar in the world.