第124章

View the first is a sea-view.--Ariel navigation.--Normal school of whales in the distance.--Isthmus of Panama.--Interesting interview with Old Panama himself, who makes all the hats.--Old Pan is a likely sort of man.

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San Francisco.--City with a vigilant government.--Miners allowed to vote.Old inhabitants so rich that they have legs with golden calves to them.

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Town in the Silver region.--Good quarters to be found there.--Playful population, fond of high-low-jack and homicide.--Silver lying around loose.--Thefts of it termed silver-guilt.

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The plains in Winter.--A wild Moor, like Othello.--Mountains in the distance forty thousand miles above the level of the highest sea (Musiani's chest C included).--If you don't believe this you can go there and measure them for yourself.

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Mormondom, sometimes called the City of the Plain, but wrongly; the women are quite pretty.--View of Old Poly Gamy's house, &c.

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The Salt Lake Hotel.--Stage just come in from its overland route and retreat from the Indians.--Temperance house.--No bar nearer than Salt Lake sand-bars.--Miners in shirts like Artemus Ward his Programme--they are read and will wash.

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Mormon Theatre, where Artemus Ward lectured.--Mormons like theatricals, and had rather go to the Playhouse than to the Workhouse, any time.Private boxes reserved for the ears of Brother Brigham's wives.

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Intermission of Five Minutes.

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Territorial State-House.--Seat of the Legislature.--About as fair a collection as that at Albany--and "we can't say no fairer than that."....

Residence of Brigham Young and his wives.--Two hundred souls with but a single thought, Two hundred hearts that beat as one.

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Seraglio of Heber C.Kimball.--Home of the Queens of Heber.--No relatives of the Queen of Sheba.--They are a nice gang of darlings.

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Mormon Tabernacle, where the men espouse Mormonism and the women espouse Brother Brigham and his Elders as spiritual Physicians, convicted of bad doct'rin.

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Foundations of the Temple.--Beginning of a healthy little job.--Temple to enclose all out-doors, and be paved with gold at a premium.

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The Temple when finished.--Mormon-idea of a meeting-house.--N.B.It will be bigger, probably, than Dodworth Hall.--one of the figures in the foreground is intended for Heber C.

Kimball.--You can see, by the expression of his back, that he is thinking what a great man Joseph Smith was.

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The Great Salt Lake.--Water actually thick with salt--too saline to sail in.--Mariners rocked on the bosom of this deep with rock salt.--The water isn't very good to drink.

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House where Mormons are initiated.--Very secret and mysterious ceremonies.--Anybody can easily find out all about them though, by going out there and becoming a Mormon.

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Echo Canyon.--A rough bluff sort of affair.--Great Echo.--When Artemus Ward went through, he heard the echoes of some things the Indians said there about four years and a half ago.

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The Plains again, with some noble savages, both in the live and dead state.--The dead one on the high shelf was killed in a Fratricidal Struggle.--They are always having Fratricidal Struggles out in that line of country.--It would be a good place for an enterprising Coroner to locate.

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Brigham Young surrounded by his wives--Those ladies are simply too numerous to mention.

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-> Those of the Audience who do not feel offended with Artemus Ward are cordially invited to call upon him, often, at his fine new house in Brooklyn.His house is on the right hand side as you cross the Ferry, and may be easily distinguished from the other houses by its having a Cupola and a Mortgage on it.

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-> Soldiers on the battle-field will be admitted to this Entertainment gratis.

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-> The Indians on the Overland Route live on Routes and Herbs.They are an intemperate people.They drink with impunity, or anybody who invites them.

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-> Artemus Ward delivered Lectures before ALL THE CROWNED HEADS OF EUROPEever thought of delivering lectures.

___________________________________________________________TICKETS, 50 CTS.RESERVED CHAIRS, 1 DOLLAR.

Doors open at 7.30 P.M.; Entertainment to commence at 8.

____________________________________________________________->The Piano used is from the famous factory of Messrs Chicking & Sons, 653 Broadway.

The Cabinet Organ is from the famous factory of Messrs Mason & Hamlin, Boston, and is furnished by Mason Brothers, 7Mercer Street, New York.

End The Complete Works of Artemus Ward, Part 7by Charles Farrar BrowneWith a biographical sketch by Melville D.Landon, "Eli Perkins"