第181章

"There's no time for oysters," said Mitya."And I'm not hungry.Do you know, friend," he said suddenly, with feeling, "I never have liked all this disorder.""Who does like it? Three dozen of champagne for peasants, upon my word, that's enough to make anyone angry!""That's not what I mean.I'm talking of a higher order.There's no order in me, no higher order.But...that's all over.There's no need to grieve about it.It's too late, damn it! My whole life has been disorder, and one must set it in order.Is that a pun, eh?""You're raving, not making puns!

"Glory be to God in Heaven, Glory be to God in me...

"That verse came from my heart once, it's not a verse, but a tear....I made it myself...not while I was pulling the captain's beard, though...""Why do you bring him in all of a sudden?""Why do I bring him in? Foolery! All things come to an end; all things are made equal.That's the long and short of it.""You know, I keep thinking of your pistols.""That's all foolery, too! Drink, and don't be fanciful.I love life.I've loved life too much, shamefully much.Enough! Let's drink to life, dear boy, I propose the toast.Why am I pleased with myself? I'm a scoundrel, but I'm satisfied with myself.And yet I'm tortured by the thought that I'm a scoundrel, but satisfied with myself.I bless the creation.I'm ready to bless God and His creation directly, but...I must kill one noxious insect for fear it should crawl and spoil life for others....Let us drink to life, dear brother.What can be more precious than life? Nothing! To life, and to one queen of queens!""Let's drink to life and to your queen, too, if you like."They drank a glass each.Although Mitya was excited and expansive, yet he was melancholy, too.It was as though some heavy, overwhelming anxiety were weighing upon him.

"Misha...here's your Misha come! Misha, come here, my boy, drink this glass to Phoebus the golden-haired, of to-morrow morn...""What are you giving it him for?" cried Pyotr Ilyitch, irritably.

"Yes, yes, yes, let me! I want to!"

"E- ech!"

Misha emptied the glass, bowed, and ran out.

"He'll remember it afterwards," Mitya remarked."Woman, I love woman! What is woman? The queen of creation! My heart is sad, my heart is sad, Pyotr Ilyitch.Do you remember Hamlet? 'I am very sorry, good Horatio! Alas, poor Yorick!' Perhaps that's me, Yorick? Yes, I'm Yorick now, and a skull afterwards."Pyotr Ilyitch listened in silence.Mitya, too, was silent for a while.

"What dog's that you've got here?" he asked the shopman, casually, noticing a pretty little lap-dog with dark eyes, sitting in the corner.

"It belongs to Varvara Alexyevna, the mistress," answered the clerk."She brought it and forgot it here.It must be taken back to her.""I saw one like it...in the regiment..." murmured Mitya dreamily, "only that one had its hind leg broken....By the way, Pyotr Ilyitch, I wanted to ask you: have you ever stolen anything in your life?""What a question!"

"Oh, I didn't mean anything.From somebody's pocket, you know.Idon't mean government money, everyone steals that, and no doubt you do, too...""You go to the devil."

"I'm talking of other people's money.Stealing straight out of a pocket? Out of a purse, eh?""I stole twenty copecks from my mother when I was nine years old.I took it off the table on the sly, and held it tight in my hand.""Well, and what happened?"

"Oh, nothing.I kept it three days, then I felt ashamed, confessed, and gave it back.""And what then?"

"Naturally I was whipped.But why do you ask? Have you stolen something?""I have," said Mitya, winking slyly.

"What have you stolen?" inquired Pyotr Ilyitch curiously.

"I stole twenty copecks from my mother when I was nine years old, and gave it back three days after."As he said this, Mitya suddenly got up.

"Dmitri Fyodorovitch, won't you come now?" called Andrey from the door of the shop.

"Are you ready? We'll come!" Mitya started."A few more last words and- Andrey, a glass of vodka at starting.Give him some brandy as well! That box" (the one with the pistols) "put under my seat.

Good-bye, Pyotr Ilyitch, don't remember evil against me.""But you're coming back to-morrow?"

"Will you settle the little bill now?" cried the clerk, springing forward.

"Oh yes, the bill.Of course."

He pulled the bundle of notes out of his pocket again, picked out three hundred roubles, threw them on the counter, and ran hurriedly out of the shop.Everyone followed him out, bowing and wishing him good luck.Andrey, coughing from the brandy he had just swallowed, jumped up on the box.But Mitya was only just taking his seat when suddenly to his surprise he saw Fenya before him.She ran up panting, clasped her hands before him with a cry, and plumped down at his feet.

"Dmitri Fyodorovitch, dear good Dmitri Fyodorovitch, don't harm my mistress.And it was I told you all about it....And don't murder him, he came first, he's hers! He'll marry Agrafena Alexandrovna now.

That's why he's come back from Siberia.Dmitri Fyodorovitch, dear, don't take a fellow creature's life!""Tut-tut-tut! That's it, is it? So you're off there to make trouble!" muttered Pyotr Ilyitch."Now, it's all clear, as clear as daylight.Dmitri Fyodorovitch, give me your pistols at once if you mean to behave like a man," he shouted aloud to Mitya."Do you hear, Dmitri?""The pistols? Wait a bit, brother, I'll throw them into the pool on the road," answered Mitya."Fenya, get up, don't kneel to me.Mitya won't hurt anyone, the silly fool won't hurt anyone again.But Isay, Fenya," he shouted, after having taken his seat."I hurt you just now, so forgive me and have pity on me, forgive a scoundrel....But it doesn't matter if you don't.It's all the same now.Now then, Andrey, look alive, fly along full speed!"Andrey whipped up the horses, and the bells began ringing.