第24章

"But what's to be done? What can one do in such a case? Must one despair?""No.It is enough that you are distressed at it.Do what you can, and it will be reckoned unto you.Much is done already in you since you can so deeply and sincerely know yourself.If you have been talking to me so sincerely, simply to gain approbation for your frankness, as you did from me just now, then, of course, you will not attain to anything in the achievement of real love; it will all get no further than dreams, and your whole life will slip away like a phantom.In that case you will naturally cease to think of the future life too, and will of yourself grow calmer after a fashion in the end.""You have crushed me! Only now, as you speak, I understand that I was really only seeking your approbation for my sincerity when Itold you I could not endure ingratitude.You have revealed me to myself.You have seen through me and explained me to myself "Are you speaking the truth? Well, now, after such a confession, Ibelieve that you are sincere and good at heart.If you do not attain happiness, always remember that you are on the right road, and try not to leave it.Above all, avoid falsehood, every kind of falsehood, especially falseness to yourself.Watch over your own deceitfulness and look into it every hour, every minute.Avoid being scornful, both to others and to yourself.What seems to you bad within you will grow purer from the very fact of your observing it in yourself.

Avoid fear, too, though fear is only the consequence of every sort of falsehood.Never be frightened at your own faint-heartedness in attaining love.Don't be frightened overmuch even at your evil actions.I am sorry I can say nothing more consoling to you, for love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams.Love in dreams is greedy for immediate action, rapidly performed and in the sight of all.Men will even give their lives if only the ordeal does not last long but is soon over, with all looking on and applauding as though on the stage.But active love is labour and fortitude, and for some people too, perhaps, a complete science.But I predict that just when you see with horror that in spite of all your efforts you are getting farther from your goal instead of nearer to it- at that very moment I predict that you will reach it and behold clearly the miraculous power of the Lord who has been all the time loving and mysteriously guiding you.Forgive me for not being able to stay longer with you.They are waiting for me.

Good-bye."

The lady was weeping.

"Lise, Lise! Bless her- bless her!" she cried, starting up suddenly.

"She does not deserve to be loved.I have seen her naughtiness all along," the elder said jestingly."Why have you been laughing at Alexey?"Lise had in fact been occupied in mocking at him all the time.She had noticed before that Alyosha was shy and tried not to look at her, and she found this extremely amusing.She waited intently to catch his eye.Alyosha, unable to endure her persistent stare, was irresistibly and suddenly drawn to glance at her, and at once she smiled triumphantly in his face.Alyosha was even more disconcerted and vexed.At last he turned away from her altogether and hid behind the elder's back.After a few minutes, drawn by the same irresistible force, he turned again to see whether he was being looked at or not, and found Lise almost hanging out of her chair to peep sideways at him, eagerly waiting for him to look.Catching his eye, she laughed so that the elder could not help saying, "Why do you make fun of him like that, naughty girl?"Lise suddenly and quite unexpectedly blushed.Her eyes flashed and her face became quite serious.She began speaking quickly and nervously in a warm and resentful voice:

"Why has he forgotten everything, then? He used to carry me about when I was little.We used to play together.He used to come to teach me to read, do you know.Two years ago, when he went away, he said that he would never forget me, that we were friends for ever, for ever, for ever! And now he's afraid of me all at once.Am I going to eat him? Why doesn't he want to come near me? Why doesn't he talk? Why won't he come and see us? It's not that you won't let him.We know that he goes everywhere.It's not good manners for me to invite him.

He ought to have thought of it first, if he hasn't forgotten me.No, now he's saving his soul! Why have you put that long gown on him? If he runs he'll fall."And suddenly she hid her face in her hand and went off into irresistible, prolonged, nervous, inaudible laughter.The elder listened to her with a smile, and blessed her tenderly.As she kissed his hand she suddenly pressed it to her eyes and began crying.

"Don't be angry with me.I'm silly and good for nothing...and perhaps Alyosha's right, quite right, in not wanting to come and see such a ridiculous girl.""I will certainly send him," said the elder.

Chapter 5

So Be It! So Be It!

THE elder's absence from his cell had lasted for about twenty-five minutes.It was more than half-past twelve, but Dmitri, on whose account they had all met there, had still not appeared.But he seemed almost to be forgotten, and when the elder entered the cell again, he found his guests engaged in eager conversation.Ivan and the two monks took the leading share in it.Miusov, too, was trying to take a part, and apparently very eagerly, in the conversation.But he was unsuccessful in this also.He was evidently in the background, and his remarks were treated with neglect, which increased his irritability.He had had intellectual encounters with Ivan before and he could not endure a certain carelessness Ivan showed him.

"Hitherto at least I have stood in the front ranks of all that is progressive in Europe, and here the new generation positively ignores us," he thought.