第47章 THE EUPHORBIA(9)

"Why did I not know this sooner?" he thought."More wretched than the blind, deaf, and paralysed who trust in me, I have lost all knowledge of things supernatural, and am more depraved than the maniacs who eat earth and approach dead bodies.I can no longer distinguish between the clamours of hell and the voices of heaven.I have lost even the intuition of the new-born child, who cries when its nurse's breast is taken from it, of the dog that scents out its master's footsteps, of the plant that turns towards the sun.I am the laughing-stock of the devils.So, then, it is Satan who led me here.When he elevated me on this pedestal, lust and pride mounted with me.It is not the magnitude of my temptations which terrifies me.Anthony, on his mountain, suffers the same.I wish that all their swords may pierce my flesh, before the eyes of the angels.I have even learned to like my sufferings.But God does not speak to me, and His silence astonishes me.He has left me--and I had but Him to look to.He leaves me alone in the horror of His absence.He flies from me.I will follow after Him.This stone burns my feet.Let me leave quickly, and come up with God."With that he seized the ladder which stood against the column, put his feet on it, and having descended a rung, found himself face to face with the monster's head; she smiled strangely.He was certain then that what he had taken for the site of his rest and glory, was but the diabolical instrument of his trouble and damnation.He hastily descended and touched the soil.His feet had forgotten their use, and he reeled.But, feeling on him the shadow of the cursed column, he forced himself to run.All slept.He traversed, without being seen, the great square surrounded by wine-shops, inns, and caravanserias, and threw himself into a by-street which led towards the Libyan Hills.

A dog pursued him, barking, and stopped only at the edge of the desert.Paphnutius went through a country where there was no road but the trail of wild beasts.Leaving behind him the huts abandoned by the coiners, he continued all night and all day his solitary flight.

At last, almost ready to expire with hunger, thirst, and fatigue, and not knowing if God was still far from him, he came to a silent city which extended from right to left, and stretched away till it was lost in the blue horizon.The buildings, which were widely separated and like each other, resembled pyramids cut off at half their height.They were tombs.The doors were broken, and in the shadow of the chambers could be seen the gleaming eyes of hyaenas and wolves who brought forth their young there, whilst the dead bodies lay on the threshold, despoiled by robbers, and gnawed by the wild beasts.Having passed through this funeral city, Paphnutius fell exhausted before a tomb which stood near a spring surrounded by palm trees.This tomb was much ornamented, and, as there was no door to it, he saw inside it a painted chamber, in which serpents bred.

"Here," he sighed, "is the abode I have chosen; the tabernacle of my repentance and penitence."He dragged himself to it, drove out the reptiles with his feet, and remained prostrate on the stone floor for eighteen hours, at the end of which time he went to the spring, and drank out of his hand.Then he plucked some dates and some stalks of lotus, the seeds of which he ate.Thinking this kind of life was good, he made it the rule of his existence.From morning to night he never lifted his forehead from the stone.

One day, whilst he was thus prostrated, he heard a voice which said--"Look at these images, that thou mayest learn."Then, raising his head, he saw, on the walls of the chamber, paintings which represented lively and domestic scenes.They were of very old work, and marvellously lifelike.There were cooks who blew the fire, with their cheeks all puffed out; others plucked geese, or cooked quarters of sheep in stew-pans.A little farther, a hunter carried on his shoulders a gazelle pierced with arrows.In one place, peasants were sowing, reaping, or gathering.In another, women danced to the sounds of viols, flutes, and harp.A young girl played the theorbo.

The lotus flower shone in her hair, which was neatly braided.Her transparent dress let the pure forms of her body be seen.Her bosom and mouth were perfect.The face was turned in profile, and the beautiful eye looked straight before her.The whole figure was exquisite.Paphnutius having examined it, lowered his eyes, and replied to the voice--"Why dost thou command me to look at these images? No doubt they represent the terrestrial life of the idolater whose body rests here, under my feet, at the bottom of a well, in a coffin of black basalt.