第6章 THE LOTUS(6)

We know not what dogs are or what we are.We know nothing.""Old man, do you belong, then, to the absurd sect of sceptics? Are you one of those miserable fools who alike deny movement and rest, and who know not how to distinguish between the light of the sun and the shadows of night?""Friend, I am truly a sceptic, and of a sect which appears praiseworthy to me, though it seems ridiculous to you.For the same things often assume different appearances.The pyramids of Memphis seem at sunrise to be cones of pink light.At sunset they look like black triangles against the illuminated sky.But who shall solve the problem of their true nature? You reproach me with denying appearances, when, in fact, appearances are the only realities Irecognise.The sun seems to me illuminous, but its nature is unknown to me.I feel that fire burns--but I know not how or why.My friend, you understand me badly.Besides, it is indifferent to me whether I am understood one way or the other.""Once more.Why do you live on dates and onions in the desert? Why do you endure great hardships? I endure hardships equally great, and, like you, I live in abstinence and solitude.But then it is to please God, and to earn eternal happiness.And that is a reasonable object, for it is wise to suffer now for a future gain.It is senseless, on the contrary, to expose yourself voluntarily to useless fatigue and vain sufferings.If I did not believe--pardon my blasphemy, Ouncreated Light!--if I did not believe in the truth of that which God has taught us by the voice of the prophets, by the example of His Son, by the acts of the Apostles, by the authority of councils, and by the testimony of the martyrs,--if I did not know that the sufferings of the body are necessary for the salvation of the soul--if I were, like thee, lost in ignorance of sacred mysteries--I would return at once amongst the men of this day, I would strive to acquire riches, that Imight live in ease, like those who are happy in this world, and Iwould say to the votaries of pleasure, 'Come, my daughters, come, my servants, come and pour out for me your wines, your philtres, your perfumes.' But you, foolish old man! you deprive yourself of all these advantages; you lose without hope of any gain; you give without hope of any return, and you imitate foolishly the noble deeds of us anchorites, as an impudent monkey thinks, by smearing a wall, to copy the picture of a clever artist.What, then, are your reasons, O most besotted of men?"Paphnutius spoke with violence and indignation, but the old man remained unmoved.

"Friend," he replied, gently, "what matter the reasons of a dog sleeping in the dirt or a mischievous ape?"Paphnutius' only aim was the glory of God.His anger vanished, and he apologised with noble humility.

"Pardon me, old man, my brother," he said, "if zeal for the truth has carried me beyond proper bounds.God is my witness, that it is thy errors and not thyself that I hate.I suffer to see thee in darkness, for I love thee in Jesus Christ, and care for thy salvation fills my heart.Speak! give me your reasons.I long to know them that I may refute them."The old man replied quietly--

"It is the same to me whether I speak or remain silent.I will give my reasons without asking yours in return, for I have no interest in you at all.I care neither for your happiness nor your misfortune, and it matters not to me whether you think one way or another.Why should Ilove you, or hate you? Aversion and sympathy are equally unworthy of the wise man.But since you question me, know then that I am named Timocles, and that I was born at Cos, of parents made rich by commerce.My father was a shipowner.In intelligence he much resembled Alexander, who is surnamed the Great.But he was not so gross.In short, he was a man of no great parts.I had two brothers, who, like him, were shipowners.As for me, I followed wisdom.My eldest brother was compelled by my father to marry a Carian woman, named Timaessa, who displeased him so greatly that he could not live with her without falling into a deep melancholy.However, Timaessa inspired our younger brother with a criminal passion, and this passion soon turned to a furious madness.The Carian woman hated them both equally; but she loved a flute-player, and received him at night in her chamber.One morning he left there the wreath which he usually wore at feasts.My two brothers, having found this wreath, swore to kill the flute-player, and the next day they caused him to perish under the lash, in spite of his tears and prayers.My sister-in-law felt such grief that she lost her reason, and these three poor wretches became beasts rather than human beings, and wandered insane along the shores of Cos, howling like wolves and foaming at the mouth, and hooted at by the children, who threw shells and stones at them.They died, and my father buried them with his own hands.A little later his stomach refused all nourishment, and he died of hunger, though he was rich enough to have bought all the meats and fruits in the markets of Asia.