第50章

Suppose we built on such a principle? Suppose a human husband and wife were to start erecting their house in Piccadilly Circus, let us say; and suppose the man spent all the day steadily carrying bricks up the ladder while his wife laid them, never asking her how many she wanted, whether she didn't think he had brought up sufficient, but just accumulating bricks in a senseless fashion, bringing up every brick he could find.And then suppose, when evening came, and looking round, they found they had some twenty cart-loads of bricks lying unused upon the scaffold, they were to commence flinging them down into Waterloo Place.They would get themselves into trouble;somebody would be sure to speak to them about it.Yet that is precisely what those birds do, and nobody says a word to them.They are supposed to have a President.He lives by himself in the yew tree outside the morning-room window.What I want to know is what he is supposed to be good for.This is the sort of thing I want him to look into.I would like him to be worming underneath one evening when those two birds are tidying up: perhaps he would do something then.I have done all I can.I have thrown stones at them, that, in the course of nature, have returned to earth again, breaking more glass.I have blazed at them with a revolver; but they have come to regard this proceeding as a mere expression of light-heartedness on my part, possibly confusing me with the Arab of the Desert, who, Iam given to understand, expresses himself thus in moments of deep emotion.They merely retire to a safe distance to watch me; no doubt regarding me as a poor performer, inasmuch as I do not also dance and shout between each shot.I have no objection to their building there, if they only would build sensibly.I want somebody to speak to them to whom they will pay attention.

You can hear them in the evening, discussing the matter of this surplus stock.

"Don't you work any more," he says, as he comes up with the last load, "you'll tire yourself.""Well, I am feeling a bit done up," she answers, as she hops out of the nest and straightens her back.

"You're a bit peckish, too, I expect," he adds sympathetically."Iknow I am.We will have a scratch down, and be off.""What about all this stuff?" she asks, while titivating herself;"we'd better not leave it about, it looks so untidy.""Oh, we'll soon get rid of that," he answers."I'll have that down in a jiffy."To help him, she seizes a stick and is about to drop it.He darts forward and snatches it from her.

"Don't you waste that one," he cries, "that's a rare one, that is.

You see me hit the old man with it."

And he does.What the gardener says, I will leave you to imagine.

Judged from its structure, the rook family is supposed to come next in intelligence to man himself.Judging from the intelligence displayed by members of certain human families with whom I have come in contact, I can quite believe it.That rooks talk I am positive.

No one can spend half-an-hour watching a rookery without being convinced of this.Whether the talk be always wise and witty, I am not prepared to maintain; but that there is a good deal of it is certain.A young French gentleman of my acquaintance, who visited England to study the language, told me that the impression made upon him by his first social evening in London was that of a parrot-house.Later on, when he came to comprehend, he, of course, recognized the brilliancy and depth of the average London drawing-room talk; but that is how, not comprehending, it impressed him at first.Listening to the riot of a rookery is much the same experience.The conversation to us sounds meaningless; the rooks themselves would probably describe it as sparkling.

There is a Misanthrope I know who hardly ever goes into Society.Iargued the question with him one day."Why should I?" he replied;"I know, say, a dozen men and women with whom intercourse is a pleasure; they have ideas of their own which they are not afraid to voice.To rub brains with such is a rare and goodly thing, and Ithank Heaven for their friendship; but they are sufficient for my leisure.What more do I require? What is this 'Society' of which you all make so much ado? I have sampled it, and I find it unsatisfying.Analyze it into its elements, what is it? Some person I know very slightly, who knows me very slightly, asks me to what you call an 'At Home.' The evening comes, I have done my day's work and I have dined.I have been to a theatre or concert, or Ihave spent a pleasant hour or so with a friend.I am more inclined for bed than anything else, but I pull myself together, dress, and drive to the house.While I am taking off my hat and coat in the hall, a man enters I met a few hours ago at the Club.He is a man Ihave very little opinion of, and he, probably, takes a similar view of me.Our minds have no thought in common, but as it is necessary to talk, I tell him it is a warm evening.Perhaps it is a warm evening, perhaps it isn't; in either case he agrees with me.I ask him if he is going to Ascot.I do not care a straw whether he is going to Ascot or not.He says he is not quite sure, but asks me what chance Passion Flower has for the Thousand Guineas.I know he doesn't value my opinion on the subject at a brass farthing--he would be a fool if he did, but I cudgel my brains to reply to him, as though he were going to stake his shirt on my advice.We reach the first floor, and are mutually glad to get rid of one another.Icatch my hostess' eye.She looks tired and worried; she would be happier in bed, only she doesn't know it.She smiles sweetly, but it is clear she has not the slightest idea who I am, and is waiting to catch my name from the butler.I whisper it to him.Perhaps he will get it right, perhaps he won't; it is quite immaterial.They have asked two hundred and forty guests, some seventy-five of whom they know by sight, for the rest, any chance passer-by, able, as the theatrical advertisements say, 'to dress and behave as a gentleman,'